This is fan created fiction about a character in a Vampire: The Masquerade live action role playing game run by Mind's Eye Society. If you are a fellow player, please remember that anything you read here is considered out of character knowledge. If you are a lawyer, please don't sue me; I'm not making any money off of this and it's just for fun.
Letters Never Sent
by Simon W.
Dear Chris,
Why did you have to go back in a second time? You'd saved one man. Why was saving another crew member more important than your own life? You were so young. We were so young. Our lives together really had so much more potential. Your death left a hole in my heart that nothing, not blood, not friendship, not religion, nothing, has ever been able to fill. It's not your fault and I know for a fact that you didn't do it on purpose but your death broke me in ways I will be contending with for, well eternity possibly.
Dear Professor,
I probably could send this but I won't. Not the least of which because it would have to pass through so many hands and I know, even if not explicitly read, the general tone of my letter would be known by many before it got to you. You are still my best friend, distant though you are. You have, in the time I have known you, lied to me, angered me, probably even literally betrayed me. And I know that you always felt justified in doing it either to protect yourself or because you thought it would protect me. I only have it in me to forgive one person on earth for doing that. And it's you. And you're not even here anymore; you're off doing some research. I guess it just sucks for the rest of the world that you are the only one with a pass on forgiveness, eh?
Dear Everett,
I don't know if my biggest regret is that you died and I wasn't the one to pull the trigger myself or that you died and I couldn't save you. I loved you. And I hated you. And I love you. And I hate you. And I would probably move mountains to get one more conversation with you and if I were granted it I'd probably screw it up because I am a literal emotional basket case. And that's not even entirely your fault... but you're also not completely blameless either.
Dear Konstintin,
If you cared less I'd like you more. For the love of all that is holy you have got to stop trying to protect me, from myself, from the outside world, from the literal demons under your city. Just accept that I'm a lost cause. Please... please?
Dear Zia,
I know you care. I also know that you've figured out how to be sneaky enough to let me let you care. I don't know if I want you to teach everyone else your trick or if I want to swear you to secrecy about it. I waffle nightly on this.
Taggart,
At this point I think we associate due to sheer bloody stubbornness. You're a monster. You're a literal monster. And yet, there are far worse monsters out there and if you're willing to teach me to fight them I think associating with you is a fair trade off for that. Besides, everyone keeps telling me to stay away from you and while I'm not arrogant enough to simply assume that I am right and the entire rest of the world is wrong I have to admit that I am now curious enough to see just how far down this rabbit hole I can go. It's an odd feeling to be staring my own self destruction in the face and feel more curiosity than fear.
Spyder,
I have no heart left to break. I can't explain that to you. You took the last part of me with you when you "died" and I'm not able to withstand that pain again. Enjoy your new life because I will have no part of it. I make a lot of stupid mistakes but I'd like to think I don't make the same one twice.
Dear Vanessa,
I love you too. I shouldn't. I know I'm setting myself up for nothing but pain, drama, and probably in a few years I will hate you because I can't seem to NOT hate everyone I love eventually. But yeah, I love you too.
