This is fan created fiction about a character in a Vampire: The Masquerade live action role playing game run by Mind's Eye Society. If you are a fellow player, please remember that anything you read here is considered out of character knowledge. If you are a lawyer, please don't sue me; I'm not making any money off of this and it's just for fun.
Becoming The Thing I Hate
by Simon W.
"Don't become the thing you hate."
Konstantin is very serious when he tells me this. And he has good reason to be. Contrary to popular belief I actually am aware that I'm quickly going off the rails. In the last year, the choices I have made have been.... well if I'm polite I'll say they are questionable. If I'm honest I'll say they are downright dangerous.
All I can say is that each one seemed like the best choice I could have made at the time. Hindsight is 20/20 though so I can see where I made missteps and I can see where I went wrong.
The question now is can I course correct? Is it possible to continue fighting against the Great Evil and not lose myself to it? If it isn't, then I really should just throw myself at some Bal'li and die at their hands, hopefully taking at least one of them down with me. It is literally the way I can ensure I do the least amount of damage.
Is there another way?
Konstantin thinks so. He tells me this is a marathon and not a sprint. He tells me that what separates me from my enemy is my capacity for mercy.
I'm pretty sure my capacity for mercy died somewhere in Mexico City...
How do I resurrect it? I'm tainted, flawed, literally deranged, and can hardly even stand to be in the same room with myself. The only thing I'm certain of these days is that I have no certitude. The dreams of roses haunt me, whispering in my ear while I sleep.
Is this what made all of those Kindred sign those contracts? This feeling of helplessness and despair? God, if that's the case I actually feel sorry for them. They didn't get the help or security they wanted if that is the case. The Great Enemy lies.
Everybody lies...
What do I know that is true?
I trust my Anarch brothers and sisters in San Diego.
I trust Tank.
I trust my faith in God.
I trust my belief that protecting humans from Kindred is always the right choice to make.
I trust that my being adversarial toward the Great Enemy is always the right call.
Maybe I can crawl out of this well of despair I've found myself in. Maybe, just maybe, there is hope...
