This is fan created fiction about a character in a Vampire: The Masquerade live action role playing game run by Mind's Eye Society. If you are a fellow player, please remember that anything you read here is considered out of character knowledge. If you are a lawyer, please don't sue me; I'm not making any money off of this and it's just for fun.
Becoming The Thing I Hate
by Simon W.
"Don't become the thing you hate."
Konstantin is very serious when he tells me this. And he has good reason to be. Contrary to popular belief I actually am aware that I'm quickly going off the rails. In the last year, the choices I have made have been.... well if I'm polite I'll say they are questionable. If I'm honest I'll say they are downright dangerous.
All I can say is that each one seemed like the best choice I could have made at the time. Hindsight is 20/20 though so I can see where I made missteps and I can see where I went wrong.
The question now is can I course correct? Is it possible to continue fighting against the Great Evil and not lose myself to it? If it isn't, then I really should just throw myself at some Bal'li and die at their hands, hopefully taking at least one of them down with me. It is literally the way I can ensure I do the least amount of damage.
Is there another way?
Konstantin thinks so. He tells me this is a marathon and not a sprint. He tells me that what separates me from my enemy is my capacity for mercy.
I'm pretty sure my capacity for mercy died somewhere in Mexico City...
How do I resurrect it? I'm tainted, flawed, literally deranged, and can hardly even stand to be in the same room with myself. The only thing I'm certain of these days is that I have no certitude. The dreams of roses haunt me, whispering in my ear while I sleep.
Is this what made all of those Kindred sign those contracts? This feeling of helplessness and despair? God, if that's the case I actually feel sorry for them. They didn't get the help or security they wanted if that is the case. The Great Enemy lies.
Everybody lies...
What do I know that is true?
I trust my Anarch brothers and sisters in San Diego.
I trust Tank.
I trust my faith in God.
I trust my belief that protecting humans from Kindred is always the right choice to make.
I trust that my being adversarial toward the Great Enemy is always the right call.
Maybe I can crawl out of this well of despair I've found myself in. Maybe, just maybe, there is hope...
Wednesday, February 5, 2020
Wednesday, January 15, 2020
Her
This is fan created fiction about a character in a Vampire: The Masquerade live action role playing game run by Mind's Eye Society. If you are a fellow player, please remember that anything you read here is considered out of character knowledge. If you are a lawyer, please don't sue me; I'm not making any money off of this and it's just for fun.
Her
by Simon W.
Content Note: the song lyrics are Gravity by Vienna Teng
"Hey love,
Is that the name you're meant to have...
for me to call.
Look love,
they've given up believing,
they've turned aside our stories of the gentle fall"
Marianne sat in the one non-bathroom room in her haven that was devoid of books. In fact it was completely empty save for an apparatus from which she could hang a heavy bag. She didn't hit nearly as hard as most of her clan mates but she still occasionally need to hit something.
No, occasionally she needed to break something. And heavy bags were vastly less valuable and far more replaceable than people. She'd started buying them in bulk.
"But don't you believe them.
Don't you drink their poison too.
These are the scars that words have carved
on me."
She thought that she was content with her life the way it had been. As a human she had had a healthy, loving relationship that had only ended due to tragedy. Or possibly heroism. But really, you can't have one without the other, she thought sarcastically. Still, her husband had died a hero and been buried by the Navy with honors.
"Hey love,
that's the name we've long held back
from the core of truth"
She'd met James when he was posing as a college professor. Deep into grief that had probably swerved hard left into major depression, she hadn't really even questioned the fact that she'd suddenly found herself enrolled in a Materials Science class that met at midnight. Looking back that should have been a clue since she'd been working on a Master's degree in English. But met him she had and eventually he asked her if she wanted to leave the shambles that trying to live without her husband had become and, quite frankly, she had jumped at the chance. Some combination of blood, shared experiences, and similarity in temperament meant that they became best friends.
"So don't turn away now...
I am turning in revolution.
These are the scars that silence carved
on me.
This is the same place.
No, not the same place
This is the same place, love.
No, not the…"
Everett and she had met literally in fire and blood. He'd killed her, then embraced her, then run off with her fleeing his angry sire and living in some weird fantasy where he'd saved her from the evil Tremere. But she wasn't a damsel in distress and he for sure wasn't a hero. Still they had enough in common so that when they weren't fighting they were actually shockingly compatible companions. Granted, everything is easier when blood is involved. Marianne snorted; it was kind of the hallmark of her romantic life once she stopped being human. And honestly she had thought that's where she would stay forever.
"Hey love,
I am a constant satellite
of your blazing sun.
My love,
I obey your law of gravity.
This is the fate you've carved on me...
Your law of gravity...
This is the fate you've carved on me...
On me."
But then... she had met Her. No blood, no violence, no real trauma at all. A shared love of music, art, and beauty had drawn them together. And it was just so easy to relax with Her. Marianne had briefly wondered if it was possible to be in love for real as a vampire. One of the things Marianne liked about Her was how much she needed Marianne. Being needed, always Marianne's Achilles heel..
Of course, that was over now. And it had ended, almost prosaically, in betrayal. No, not for another woman (or man). Not a growing apart due to a lack of interest. Not any of the normal things that drive people apart. No, Marianne had to hand it to Her; when She betrayed someone it was with the kind of over the top drama one could only expect from a true artist.
Marianne sat in her empty room staring at the heavy bag. She couldn't even bring herself to hit it right now. She just felt so empty; full of more grief than anger. She sighed. Nothing to do but try and keep on keeping on, she supposed, even if the yawning emptiness in her heart dragged on her like a black hole in space, swallowing all of the light that touched it.
Her
by Simon W.
Content Note: the song lyrics are Gravity by Vienna Teng
"Hey love,
Is that the name you're meant to have...
for me to call.
Look love,
they've given up believing,
they've turned aside our stories of the gentle fall"
Marianne sat in the one non-bathroom room in her haven that was devoid of books. In fact it was completely empty save for an apparatus from which she could hang a heavy bag. She didn't hit nearly as hard as most of her clan mates but she still occasionally need to hit something.
No, occasionally she needed to break something. And heavy bags were vastly less valuable and far more replaceable than people. She'd started buying them in bulk.
"But don't you believe them.
Don't you drink their poison too.
These are the scars that words have carved
on me."
She thought that she was content with her life the way it had been. As a human she had had a healthy, loving relationship that had only ended due to tragedy. Or possibly heroism. But really, you can't have one without the other, she thought sarcastically. Still, her husband had died a hero and been buried by the Navy with honors.
"Hey love,
that's the name we've long held back
from the core of truth"
She'd met James when he was posing as a college professor. Deep into grief that had probably swerved hard left into major depression, she hadn't really even questioned the fact that she'd suddenly found herself enrolled in a Materials Science class that met at midnight. Looking back that should have been a clue since she'd been working on a Master's degree in English. But met him she had and eventually he asked her if she wanted to leave the shambles that trying to live without her husband had become and, quite frankly, she had jumped at the chance. Some combination of blood, shared experiences, and similarity in temperament meant that they became best friends.
"So don't turn away now...
I am turning in revolution.
These are the scars that silence carved
on me.
This is the same place.
No, not the same place
This is the same place, love.
No, not the…"
Everett and she had met literally in fire and blood. He'd killed her, then embraced her, then run off with her fleeing his angry sire and living in some weird fantasy where he'd saved her from the evil Tremere. But she wasn't a damsel in distress and he for sure wasn't a hero. Still they had enough in common so that when they weren't fighting they were actually shockingly compatible companions. Granted, everything is easier when blood is involved. Marianne snorted; it was kind of the hallmark of her romantic life once she stopped being human. And honestly she had thought that's where she would stay forever.
"Hey love,
I am a constant satellite
of your blazing sun.
My love,
I obey your law of gravity.
This is the fate you've carved on me...
Your law of gravity...
This is the fate you've carved on me...
On me."
But then... she had met Her. No blood, no violence, no real trauma at all. A shared love of music, art, and beauty had drawn them together. And it was just so easy to relax with Her. Marianne had briefly wondered if it was possible to be in love for real as a vampire. One of the things Marianne liked about Her was how much she needed Marianne. Being needed, always Marianne's Achilles heel..
Of course, that was over now. And it had ended, almost prosaically, in betrayal. No, not for another woman (or man). Not a growing apart due to a lack of interest. Not any of the normal things that drive people apart. No, Marianne had to hand it to Her; when She betrayed someone it was with the kind of over the top drama one could only expect from a true artist.
Marianne sat in her empty room staring at the heavy bag. She couldn't even bring herself to hit it right now. She just felt so empty; full of more grief than anger. She sighed. Nothing to do but try and keep on keeping on, she supposed, even if the yawning emptiness in her heart dragged on her like a black hole in space, swallowing all of the light that touched it.
Tuesday, January 14, 2020
Henry VI, Part 1
Henry VI, Part 1
by Simon W.
“I prithee give me leave to curse a while.” Joan la Pucelle - Henry VI, Part 1 Act 5 Sc 4
Henry VI, part 1 is a play in which the titular character hardly has any lines and one could say it's not even really about him at all. Granted, this is probably because the opening scene of the play is one where folks are at his father's funeral and LOUDLY lamenting Henry VI's weakness as a king...
... while Henry VI is all of nine months old!
I'm not entirely certain who the hero of Henry VI's story is (and I have two more plays to get through in order to find out) but I am quite sure the villains are all of his supposed noble protectors and defenders. In fact, most of the play is about how their infighting and jockeying for power led to some fantastically awful defeats in France.
But of course, neither they nor Shakespeare blamed themselves. Instead they just assumed that the only way the French could beat the English was via witchcraft, in the form of Joan la Pucelle (known now as Joan of Arc).
Here is where I should remind you not to expect great literary criticism or even terrible insightful historical commentary from me. I'm literally just talking about what made an impact on me in the stories as I read them. In short, I'm either going to be shit-talking or fan-girling my way through Shakespeare as it's applicable.
So yes, the English army suffers defeats against the French, even with the legendary Talbot as their leader and rather than blame the fact that various lords are literally withholding troops and supplies, the English assume that it's all the fault of a religious French teenager who knows how to use a sword and inspire people. As you may have guessed, all of my sympathies are with Joan in this play.
But let's talk about Henry VI for just a minute since the play is about him, or at least about his reign. In the play he is portrayed as weak and pious. Really, he's probably just young and pious. Not much of a martial man, our boy Henry. But he is interested in reading and studying so I automatically love him. In fact, he wonders at one point if he's even old enough to consider getting married since he's still got so many books to read. Be still, my heart!
This is the first time I have read this particular play since the histories are where I'm lacking. I've read part of Henry IV and Richard III and I've seen stage productions of Henry V and Richard II so I'm all over the place with the "Henriad" plays. Expect more ridiculous commentary as I move through them because I have zero reverence. Shakespeare did a wonderful thing, particularly for his time period, in that he wrote his noble and even royal characters as people. People who had flaws even! It was radical at the time and it's part of what makes his stories endure, because 500 years later we can still find enough humanity in these giants of history to identify with them.
by Simon W.
“I prithee give me leave to curse a while.” Joan la Pucelle - Henry VI, Part 1 Act 5 Sc 4
Henry VI, part 1 is a play in which the titular character hardly has any lines and one could say it's not even really about him at all. Granted, this is probably because the opening scene of the play is one where folks are at his father's funeral and LOUDLY lamenting Henry VI's weakness as a king...
... while Henry VI is all of nine months old!
I'm not entirely certain who the hero of Henry VI's story is (and I have two more plays to get through in order to find out) but I am quite sure the villains are all of his supposed noble protectors and defenders. In fact, most of the play is about how their infighting and jockeying for power led to some fantastically awful defeats in France.
But of course, neither they nor Shakespeare blamed themselves. Instead they just assumed that the only way the French could beat the English was via witchcraft, in the form of Joan la Pucelle (known now as Joan of Arc).
Here is where I should remind you not to expect great literary criticism or even terrible insightful historical commentary from me. I'm literally just talking about what made an impact on me in the stories as I read them. In short, I'm either going to be shit-talking or fan-girling my way through Shakespeare as it's applicable.
So yes, the English army suffers defeats against the French, even with the legendary Talbot as their leader and rather than blame the fact that various lords are literally withholding troops and supplies, the English assume that it's all the fault of a religious French teenager who knows how to use a sword and inspire people. As you may have guessed, all of my sympathies are with Joan in this play.
But let's talk about Henry VI for just a minute since the play is about him, or at least about his reign. In the play he is portrayed as weak and pious. Really, he's probably just young and pious. Not much of a martial man, our boy Henry. But he is interested in reading and studying so I automatically love him. In fact, he wonders at one point if he's even old enough to consider getting married since he's still got so many books to read. Be still, my heart!
This is the first time I have read this particular play since the histories are where I'm lacking. I've read part of Henry IV and Richard III and I've seen stage productions of Henry V and Richard II so I'm all over the place with the "Henriad" plays. Expect more ridiculous commentary as I move through them because I have zero reverence. Shakespeare did a wonderful thing, particularly for his time period, in that he wrote his noble and even royal characters as people. People who had flaws even! It was radical at the time and it's part of what makes his stories endure, because 500 years later we can still find enough humanity in these giants of history to identify with them.
Friday, January 3, 2020
Twelfth Night, or What You Will
Twelfth Night, or What You Will
by Simon W.
"I'll be revenged on the whole pack of you."
So says Malvolio as he makes his final exit off the stage. Maybe it's because the last time I read this play was over twenty years ago. Or maybe it's because I am cranky and over forty. But I really feel for Malvolio in this re-read of Twelfth Night.
The story of Twelfth Night, Or What You Will is familiar to most people. Even if they haven't read or seen the play itself, there have been many variations in popular culture. And really, the story itself has very common themes. A pair of fraternal twins, Viola and Sebastian, are shipwrecked and each believe the other has died. Viola makes her way into an unfamiliar city and because she believes she will be safer thus, dresses as a boy. The disguise ends up working far too well and a romantic comedy occurs against the backdrop of mistaken identity and the Christmas celebrations.
So says Malvolio as he makes his final exit off the stage. Maybe it's because the last time I read this play was over twenty years ago. Or maybe it's because I am cranky and over forty. But I really feel for Malvolio in this re-read of Twelfth Night.
The story of Twelfth Night, Or What You Will is familiar to most people. Even if they haven't read or seen the play itself, there have been many variations in popular culture. And really, the story itself has very common themes. A pair of fraternal twins, Viola and Sebastian, are shipwrecked and each believe the other has died. Viola makes her way into an unfamiliar city and because she believes she will be safer thus, dresses as a boy. The disguise ends up working far too well and a romantic comedy occurs against the backdrop of mistaken identity and the Christmas celebrations.
It's a fun story. It's a funny story. But I will confess, as I made my way through it this time my attention and sympathies were caught by the unloved, pretentious, far too serious character of Malvolio. Malvolio is the victim of a cruel prank by several folks caught up in the merriment and mischief of the Christmas holiday and I won't deny that he badly needed some level of comeuppance. He's arrogant, severe, obsessed with his social standing, and more than a little vain.
And yet, I feel for him. He's cruelly used and abused and come the end of the play, when the prank is revealed to all and sundry, he storms off vowing vengeance on both those who pranked him and those who laughed on the sidelines. I can sympathize with the man. But I never once did before reading it this time.
That's one of the things I love about Shakespeare. Not only are his stories still relevant to an audience that is separated from his original one by 400 or so years but the same person reading his works years apart can find new and different things to focus on. Whether you think his work is high art or low brow entertainment, it has the power to move people and that is the enduring power of his words and his storytelling.
And yet, I feel for him. He's cruelly used and abused and come the end of the play, when the prank is revealed to all and sundry, he storms off vowing vengeance on both those who pranked him and those who laughed on the sidelines. I can sympathize with the man. But I never once did before reading it this time.
That's one of the things I love about Shakespeare. Not only are his stories still relevant to an audience that is separated from his original one by 400 or so years but the same person reading his works years apart can find new and different things to focus on. Whether you think his work is high art or low brow entertainment, it has the power to move people and that is the enduring power of his words and his storytelling.
Monday, December 30, 2019
Shakespeare 2020
Shakespeare 2020
by Simon W.
I have decided that I'm going to be going along with Ian Doesher's grand scheme to read every word written by William Shakespeare in one calendar year. As it happens, next year specifically, 2020. I was introduced to this project by a friend who knows that I am a fan of Shakespeare and I'm gonna run with it.
Now, you might wonder why anyone would want to do this. Or maybe you just wonder why I want to do this. Let me enlighten you a bit on my personal history with the Bard.
I have decided that I'm going to be going along with Ian Doesher's grand scheme to read every word written by William Shakespeare in one calendar year. As it happens, next year specifically, 2020. I was introduced to this project by a friend who knows that I am a fan of Shakespeare and I'm gonna run with it.
Now, you might wonder why anyone would want to do this. Or maybe you just wonder why I want to do this. Let me enlighten you a bit on my personal history with the Bard.
When I was growing up I was that kid who read everything I could get my hands on. And often I would find myself without library or school books because I'd already read them and it was a weekend or something. Which meant that I'd head to the bookshelf of books that was always full of books that my parents owned. Somewhere in late elementary school I happened to be looking for something to read and I found a small volume entitled The Stories of William Shakespeare. I can't remember exactly how many it had, but I want to say it was about a half dozen of Shakespeare's plays written out in modern language and narrative fashion with relevant quotes interspersed though the re-tellings. And I fell absolutely IN LOVE with the stories contained in there.
It wasn't until I got to junior high school that I even knew that a) Shakespeare wrote plays, not stories and b) that it was considered weird to just want to read them. I found them in my school library and started making my way through them. The language, of course, was a bit of a barrier but what I didn't pick up from context I sort of glossed over in the way that lots of 12 year olds do when they are reading.
In high school we read a few Shakespeare plays as part of the normal English curriculum. I enjoyed them and was able to appreciate being in a position where I could have someone help me through some of the linguistics. And then in college, I decided that even though I was going to an Engineering school for a Biology degree that I wanted to take Shakespeare classes at the college level.
Over the course of my first two years in college I took five different Shakespeare classes and then wrote a giant (and horribly pretentious) essay on how the personal lives of the main characters in Shakespeare's Roman plays affected their politics. What can I say, I was 19 years old; you'll have to forgive me.
Over the course of my first two years in college I took five different Shakespeare classes and then wrote a giant (and horribly pretentious) essay on how the personal lives of the main characters in Shakespeare's Roman plays affected their politics. What can I say, I was 19 years old; you'll have to forgive me.
Believe it or not, after all of that... I actually haven't read all of Shakespeare's plays nor have I read any of his narrative poems. So this year I am going to fix that.
I plan to talk about my perceptions of what I read here over the course of the year. I don't promise it'll be great literary review. But I hope it'll be interesting... or at least amusing.
Simon W.
I plan to talk about my perceptions of what I read here over the course of the year. I don't promise it'll be great literary review. But I hope it'll be interesting... or at least amusing.
Simon W.
Monday, December 16, 2019
Connor - A Retrospective
This is fan created fiction about a character in a Vampire: The Masquerade live action role playing game run by Mind's Eye Society. If you are a fellow player, please remember that anything you read here is considered out of character knowledge. If you are a lawyer, please don't sue me; I'm not making any money off of this and it's just for fun.
Connor - A Retrospective
by Simon W.
Our first real conversation and our last conversation were about the same thing, the importance of Humanitas. If symmetry were important I could take comfort in this.
Symmetry isn't that important to me, alas. I could deal with a lopsided existence if my friends would stop dying... or being captured and "held indefinitely" by their Sect's internal police but that is a different friend and a different story.
Right now I want to talk about Connor, or if we are being formal Doctor Connor Villanueva, Lord of Sand and Sea. I remember when he got that title. I didn't see it; I was even then off chasing some demon or another (small d demon, I hadn't yet started chasing the large D kind); but from what I hear he stood against a Fae Lord because the Fae Lord in question was hurting people.
That was Connor in a nutshell; constantly standing up and telling people bigger, stronger, or more powerful than himself "no". It's part of why we got along, because we have... no had; I have to use the past tense for him now.
We had that in common.
Connor had his faults, mostly in the fact that he was overeager and impetuous. He also tended to lean toward self-righteousness. Again.... we had those things in common. I still have those faults. And now I'm not sure who to share them with. Because Connor was deeply empathetic and he understood what I did even while it worried him.
I don't even know why he was killed. And I don't know if I will be able to do anything about it. It's gotten to the point where my list of enemies is so long and so dangerous that getting vengeance for the murder of my friend isn't at the top. Connor wouldn't want me to get vengeance though, so maybe this is actually the best way to honor who he was and what he thought was important.
I'm going to try and be a better person for his sake. I don't know if I'll succeed.
But our first and last conversations give me hope, and right now I need all of that I can get.
Connor - A Retrospective
by Simon W.
Our first real conversation and our last conversation were about the same thing, the importance of Humanitas. If symmetry were important I could take comfort in this.
Symmetry isn't that important to me, alas. I could deal with a lopsided existence if my friends would stop dying... or being captured and "held indefinitely" by their Sect's internal police but that is a different friend and a different story.
Right now I want to talk about Connor, or if we are being formal Doctor Connor Villanueva, Lord of Sand and Sea. I remember when he got that title. I didn't see it; I was even then off chasing some demon or another (small d demon, I hadn't yet started chasing the large D kind); but from what I hear he stood against a Fae Lord because the Fae Lord in question was hurting people.
That was Connor in a nutshell; constantly standing up and telling people bigger, stronger, or more powerful than himself "no". It's part of why we got along, because we have... no had; I have to use the past tense for him now.
We had that in common.
Connor had his faults, mostly in the fact that he was overeager and impetuous. He also tended to lean toward self-righteousness. Again.... we had those things in common. I still have those faults. And now I'm not sure who to share them with. Because Connor was deeply empathetic and he understood what I did even while it worried him.
I don't even know why he was killed. And I don't know if I will be able to do anything about it. It's gotten to the point where my list of enemies is so long and so dangerous that getting vengeance for the murder of my friend isn't at the top. Connor wouldn't want me to get vengeance though, so maybe this is actually the best way to honor who he was and what he thought was important.
I'm going to try and be a better person for his sake. I don't know if I'll succeed.
But our first and last conversations give me hope, and right now I need all of that I can get.
Wednesday, December 11, 2019
Change of Heart
This is fan created fiction about a character in a Werewolf: the Apocalypse live action role playing game run by Mind's Eye Society. If you are a fellow player, please remember that anything you read here is considered out of character knowledge. If you are a lawyer, please don't sue me; I'm not making any money off of this and it's just for fun.
Change of Heart
by Simon W.
You ever meet someone and, for reasons you can't quite place, you instantly mistrust them? I don't know, maybe it's a Fenrir thing. But for about that past 18 months now I have been what can only be called skeptical if we're being polite and downright suspicious if we're being more accurate about a person.
Anyway, about a year and a half ago, Valka One Eye now called Valka Thrice Blessed reappeared after being shoved deep, DEEP into the Umbra by Grandfather Thunder. She came back with a new rank (Legend) and a new Vision (a unified Gaian Nation) and a new plan to achieve it based on prophesy she couldn't fully explain. And the plan, as she explained it to our Tribe, was that she was going to seek to become the High King of the Garou Nation...and then change the Garou Nation to a Gaian Nation.
I have nothing against the idea of unifying Gaians. And Gods know I have not been quiet about the fact that the Tribal Council is lousy at governance. But something about Valka just never sat right with me. I thought she was seeking Glory, and power, and her unwillingness to share more of the prophesy she'd been given in depth seemed both suspicious and convenient to me.
Maybe it's being kinfolk, or possibly it's just being me, but as far as I am concerned you can take your Glory and shove it. Honor and Wisdom are what I value and Glory ranks so low on my list of concerns on basically any day that ends in Y. So when I encounter someone who strikes me as vainglorious I react very badly to them. And that's what Valka struck me as.
I watched as she made her decisions, her proclamations, her challenges. Some of her initial ideas she was willing to amend after discussions within our Tribe and I was glad to see that. Hey, even I don't like to change my mind and admit that I'm wrong... and I don't have three Incarna spirits giving me their blessing so I was willing to concede that she was, very possibly, not all bad. But still I was skeptical.
I was skeptical when we found the Great Caern in the desert. I was skeptical even though she did with it exactly what she said she would do. By that point nearly everyone I knew believed that I was all in for Valka because we are both Fenrir and I suspect that fueled my skepticism. I hate being assumed to just follow the party line, as it were.
And then we went to Russia, to the Sept of the Crescent Moon. A whole lot of Fenrir and Silverfangs in very close proximity for a week of moots, songs, stories, some grieving, and then, finally, Valka's challenge. This did not go as any Fenrir expected. I'm still not certain that it didn't go exactly as some Silverfangs suspected but, as should already be obvious by now, I'm kind of a suspicious person.
When Jonas Albrect, High King of the Garou Nation, did appear I saw something. I don't know if anyone else was looking at Valka's face at that moment. But I was and I saw hope. I saw joy. I saw relief at her friend being able to speak to her again. And in that moment I realized that whatever reasons she had for challenging for High King, Valka was not doing it for personal glory in the slightest.
So I have changed my mind about Valka Thrice Blessed, High General of the Garou Nation. I'm not sure she and I will ever be friendly but I no longer think she is seeking personal glory. And that matters, at least to me.
See, sometimes I can admit when I am wrong... but Gods know I hate doing it.
Change of Heart
by Simon W.
You ever meet someone and, for reasons you can't quite place, you instantly mistrust them? I don't know, maybe it's a Fenrir thing. But for about that past 18 months now I have been what can only be called skeptical if we're being polite and downright suspicious if we're being more accurate about a person.
Anyway, about a year and a half ago, Valka One Eye now called Valka Thrice Blessed reappeared after being shoved deep, DEEP into the Umbra by Grandfather Thunder. She came back with a new rank (Legend) and a new Vision (a unified Gaian Nation) and a new plan to achieve it based on prophesy she couldn't fully explain. And the plan, as she explained it to our Tribe, was that she was going to seek to become the High King of the Garou Nation...and then change the Garou Nation to a Gaian Nation.
I have nothing against the idea of unifying Gaians. And Gods know I have not been quiet about the fact that the Tribal Council is lousy at governance. But something about Valka just never sat right with me. I thought she was seeking Glory, and power, and her unwillingness to share more of the prophesy she'd been given in depth seemed both suspicious and convenient to me.
Maybe it's being kinfolk, or possibly it's just being me, but as far as I am concerned you can take your Glory and shove it. Honor and Wisdom are what I value and Glory ranks so low on my list of concerns on basically any day that ends in Y. So when I encounter someone who strikes me as vainglorious I react very badly to them. And that's what Valka struck me as.
I watched as she made her decisions, her proclamations, her challenges. Some of her initial ideas she was willing to amend after discussions within our Tribe and I was glad to see that. Hey, even I don't like to change my mind and admit that I'm wrong... and I don't have three Incarna spirits giving me their blessing so I was willing to concede that she was, very possibly, not all bad. But still I was skeptical.
I was skeptical when we found the Great Caern in the desert. I was skeptical even though she did with it exactly what she said she would do. By that point nearly everyone I knew believed that I was all in for Valka because we are both Fenrir and I suspect that fueled my skepticism. I hate being assumed to just follow the party line, as it were.
And then we went to Russia, to the Sept of the Crescent Moon. A whole lot of Fenrir and Silverfangs in very close proximity for a week of moots, songs, stories, some grieving, and then, finally, Valka's challenge. This did not go as any Fenrir expected. I'm still not certain that it didn't go exactly as some Silverfangs suspected but, as should already be obvious by now, I'm kind of a suspicious person.
When Jonas Albrect, High King of the Garou Nation, did appear I saw something. I don't know if anyone else was looking at Valka's face at that moment. But I was and I saw hope. I saw joy. I saw relief at her friend being able to speak to her again. And in that moment I realized that whatever reasons she had for challenging for High King, Valka was not doing it for personal glory in the slightest.
So I have changed my mind about Valka Thrice Blessed, High General of the Garou Nation. I'm not sure she and I will ever be friendly but I no longer think she is seeking personal glory. And that matters, at least to me.
See, sometimes I can admit when I am wrong... but Gods know I hate doing it.
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